Well, I was gonna blog tonight.
But instead I talked too much on Facebook and Twitter and now it’s time to take my Ambien.
Sorry about that. Talk amongst yourselves instead or something.
On the way to the airport, TheMister thanked me for conforming to his ways today. He was specifically speaking to the fact that I don’t sleep in pajamas when I’m at his house. Even when I was married I slept in pajamas every. single. night. I never understood why anyone wanted to sleep naked … what happened if there was a fire and the firemen had to come in and your nekkid booty was hanging out! I don’t want a hot fireman to see my ass – ever! I still don’t really want a fireman to see my naked rear-end, but at least they’d have to see TheMister’s naked booty then, too. Early this morning there was a YELLOW JACKET in bed with us … he was crawling on me and we freaked the fuck out when I felt him on me. (There is a large possibility I’m allergic to bee stings!) We did not go back to sleep. It did not help my head pain.
Speaking of sleeping, and TheMister (“sleeping with TheMister” would have brought up some mental images I don’t want everything thinking about) … I don’t sleep anymore if he’s not around. He doesn’t have to be in the bed, he doesn’t even have to be in the room, but if he’s not even within the realm of the house, I have the hardest time falling asleep. Like right now for example – it’s 1am, TheMister’s in Las Vegas with WhoIsDaveT and I’m wide awake gabbing with KristenEileen and Al_pal. I’m thankful to have friends who up late at night will listen to my ranting and validate my feelings. Anyway, this whole, don’t sleep without TheMister being around is weird. I haven’t ever had that feeling – even with ThEx. It’s comforting at some points, but when it’s 2am and I have to be up in six hours, I don’t quite like it. *sigh*
I had a full-blown light-, smell-, sound-sensitive migraine for three days. There were shots administered, pills taken, 60+ ounces of liquid consumed in three hours, and countless hours of sleep lost; my head still doesn’t feel normal. I do, however, have a fantastic physician (who got me in the day I requested an appointment) and a great insurance plan that covered my requested abortive migraine drugs, anti-nausea medication and breakthrough pain killers for hardly any cash. I’m so very thankful. The thing I didn’t like? The anti-nausea medication required me to uhm, get a little more than personal with myself … I’ve never had to do that before … I don’t know that I want to do that on a regular basis. I washed my hands a half-dozen times after administering the dose. (And since I was at TheMister’s house when I administered it, I then had to disguise it it in a paper bag to store in the fridge.) I don’t get to see an acupuncturist through Kaiser until the 22nd of September, and that has me stressed (it does so much for pain relief … you should try it) but I also have a Kaiser-based recommendation for a massage and acupuncture center elsewhere in San Francisco. It’s on the list of things to do for Monday.
Continuing the health based blogging … in January I went from Ortho-Tricyclen to the mini-pill. Planned Parenthood gave me no choice at that point for a pill-based contraceptive (which I wanted to stick with) and that meant I had to choose it. It was the worst birth control decision I’ve made since choosing *not* to use birth control. I gained 30 pounds, my breasts went from a full-B to a very full-D (brown chicken brown cow!), my hips actually widened (not just got fat, the bones SPREAD by two inches), and my skin suddenly looks like it did when I was 14. On top of that? I was on my period three weeks on, one week off, two weeks on, one week off, three weeks on, two days off, and nothing made any sense. That? Is not okay. Six weeks ago I had my annual appointment and my new OB/GYN was shocked to hear that I willingly put it into my system. At one point I actually recommended the birth control pill. Never again will that birth control come recommended from me. Ever. I started Ortho-Tricyclen again the day I saw the new OB/GYN and have been urging my body to go back to a regular cycle since then. Unfortunately, it’s going to take the requisite three months “or so” before my body recognizes the hormones and reacts to them like it used to. It’s a bit frustrating to not have an actual cycle anymore. I think it’s annoying TheMister, too. Moral? Don’t go on the mini-pill unless it’s your last resort.
I added a regular medication to my only-birth-control regimen a month ago, too. I started taking a very low dose of gabapentin as a pain management medication after seeing my new physician for the first time. It is normally used for seizures or migraine prevention, and I’m totally okay taking it for pain control. I started on 100mg. My doctor wants me at 900mg. Three 300mg doses a day … which because of the titration that has to happen (I can’t just immediately take 900mg) I won’t be taking a therapeutic dose of it until September 9th. I actually had to set up a calendared schedule on my phone and in Outlook (as well as my Google calendar) because I have to take the pills 8 hours apart and they have to be titrated right and OMG this is a pain in the ass!) I’m trying my best to be patient with it and use my acupressure, deep breathing and meditation techniques I know to help get to that date, but I’m so absolutely tired of my body not being “normal.” (This should really have an entire post dedicated to the frustrations behind it.) Thankfully I haven’t had too many side effects with this medication – being tired when I increase the dose and being even more easily dizzy – so overall I’m pretty happy with it. For now.
On the same health-topic – my mental health hasn’t been as stable as I would like. I have no problem admitting that, either. I just am frustrated with my body. I have physical pain, I have mental pain, I have emotional pain. I treat my physical pain to the best of my abilities, and I need to be okay with *treating* my mental and emotional pain with all the facilities available to me. However, I don’t want to go straight to treating that mental and emotional pain with an anti-depressant immediately. I am looking into a mental health referral for counseling and/or therapy to get my head sorted out before I go back to putting more chemicals into my body. Why? Chemicals are screwing up my body as it is right now.
I did some editing of my photographs (check out my Flickr page) and am feeling really motivated to add the photography page to my blog so I can keep up on that. I am also going to offer some super low-price sessions to friends around the Bay Area in hopes of rebuilding a more current photography portfolio. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to dedicate a huge chunk of life to photography again, but I do love it, so I want to dedicate a bit more time to it. Feel free to leave me a comment on Flickr (it’s easy!) and tell me which shots you like. Also let me know if you want to be included in that rededication process.
TheMister and I have both been stressed about our schedules a lot lately (and staying up until 2am is probably not the best way to deal w/that stress, but whatevs (see this Tweet now, please) and I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Hopefully I don’t end up w/another full-blown migraine because of it though. *whines* I can’t sleep.
Saturday: 2pm long-ass full-mass-Catholic wedding for one of Andy’s close friends. This is after a 9:30am friend-pick-up in Berkeley, a TheMister-pick-up in Sacramento and then the wedding in the afternoon. I’m taking the camera and am going to rock the wedding photography from the sidelines. We’ll be there all day. I hope they have good food. I also hope that the cake tastes good.
Sunday: TheMister has friends in from New York, a football draft (which he apparently hasn’t prepared for – and interestingly enough I’ve heard that same sentiment from quite a few people lately) and I am going to write. (I have had this fiction piece brewing in my head and totally need to get it out.) Unless TheMister’s friends want us to come and hang out with them (and their twin boys). If that’s the case, I’m taking the camera with and going to rock some family photography.
Monday-Thursday look like this: work, gym (you hear that Cheebs? I’m aiming for four days. How many for you?), hopefully visiting an apartment in Oakland that I reached out to earlier this week. Friday: gym, work (backwards!), then Ewokmama‘s bachelorette party. Will be taking the camera and am going to rock some GNO photos. Saturday: sleeping in, downloading and editing photographs taken in the past week, spending some quality time with TheMister.
Sunday: Ewokmama & WhoIsDaveT are getting married. I’ll be spending the day celebrating their love while wearing white assless chaps. They’re getting married on Baker Beach – I’ll fit right in with the locals. I’m going to be taking my camera and rocking the wedding photographer in me from the stands (the seats?). We’ll see if I can’t get any good shots to see about adding to that portfolio I keep thinking about.
Monday: TheMister and I are going to Sutro Baths (unless the weather is nasty) to celebrate one year after our first date. I can’t believe that it’s been a year already. I am amazed how quickly time flies, how much more I love TheMister now compared to how much I loved him even just yesterday and am excited to see what our future holds. There is a mushy blog post in the works for that date … and you know I’ll be taking the camera with me to the Baths and rocking the landscape photographer in me.
The weeks that come after this? They include a trip to Vegas to celebrate a great friend‘s birthday (another, I will be bringing my camera occasion), packing all my stuff into a dozen or so boxes and moving in with TheMister. Hopefully life will slow down soon after that – if even for a little while before a Thanksgiving trip to Portland and then Christmas in Napa. And then? 2011 begins.
Now that I’ve written *the* longest blog entry that I’ve ever written here (I think), I am going to give you a cookie if you actually made it this far. heehee Leave me a comment and let me know you did. Let me know what you’re looking forward to this fall, let me know where you’ve been this week, what you’re doing next weekend, or what color underwear you have on, just talk to me people! : )
Lately, and I don’t think that it’s been me, but I have noticed a higher than normal number of asshats in my life. Seriously – it’s weird – and I’ve talked to people who are totally impartial and they don’t understand why I draw people like the following to me. You know you’ve got at least one of each of these characters in your own life though, right?
The Blame-Shifter: this person has no problem telling you that the rain is because you started of your day on the left foot. Your back hurts because you got rear-ended? You probably should have bought a safe car, adjusted your head rest, been wearing a neck brace pre-accident or that you just shouldn’t be driving as much because you’re also the cause of global warming. (Don’t let Lilttle-Miss-T’isn’t hear that, he’ll remind you that global warming doesn’t really exist.) If The Blame-Shifter’s feelings are hurt, it’s your fault. If your feelings are hurt, it’s your fault, too. The only way to avoid the wrath of The Blame-Shifter is to never say anything negative around them – then the sunshine, unicorns, cupcakes and puppies are all your fault.
The Unsolicited-Advice-Giver: this person always has some sort of advice to give you, and the normal “two-cents” is replaced by a twenty-dollar bill. Mentioning that you’re going to check out a new skincare product leads to a half-hour one-sided lecture about how SPF isn’t as effective as you think it is. That will lead to a 10 minute tirade about how you shouldn’t work in science because you’re going to be exposed to chemicals that have been known to cause leprosy and genital warts. Once you remind The Unsolicited-Advice-Giver that you work at a library, you’ll be reminded that dust can irritate nasal passages, leading to a runny nose, which looks terrible when you go on a date, so you’re never going to get married. UNLESS you take their advice and use an online dating site and use “SEO language to draw the correct searches.” So far in life, I’ve found the best response to The Unsolicited-Advice-Giver is to return their advice with the most ridiculous suggestions you can think of. “I found the best dates on TheyTakeMyAdvice.com!” is returned with “I’ve heard about that site, but did you know I met my current boyfriend at HisCockIsMassive.net!” My recommendation is to then walk away before punching The Unsolicited-Advice-Giver in the taco.
The Grammar-Nazi*: this person is more than the person who reminds you that there is a difference between there, their and they’re (Over there, on top of their car, they’re getting naked!”). This person corrects your Tweets, including an @, being sure you’re called out, this person sends you a DM “just letting you know, you used among when you should have used between,” they remind you that your sentences should be parallel, and before they actually reply to an email you sent them, they point out that it has three run-on and four fragmented sentences. Then they correct the sentences for you. If you have a Grammar-Nazi in your life, your best bet is to write to them in German (especially if you don’t even speak German).
The Know-it-All: this person listens to half of your story and then finishes it for you. He redefines the words that you’re explaining to people, even after you just read it from the OED. She leans over during a one-on-one conversation (with someone else) and “corrects” your experiences to match her own. These people aren’t trying to educate you as they share their “wealth of information” (*gags*), these people are reminding you that they think they’re smarter than you. When you actually prove The Know-it-All wrong, his or her responses often include “well, that’s just what I heard,” or “we’ll have to agree to disagree” and make you want to spork out their eyes.
The Little-Miss-T’isn’t: this person is a cousin of The Know-it-All and you keep those two far apart at a wedding – or bravely place them at the same table with Great Aunt Louisa. Little-Miss-T’isn’t favorite phrases include “no it’s not!”, “nuh uh!” and “you’re wrong.” Your statement that an iPod Touch costs $200 is rebutted with “No, you’re wrong, it’s one hundred and ninety-nine dollars.” You say that it’s a bit chilly outside? Little-Miss-T’isn’t thinks it’s one of the warmer days of the summer. While in my experience, the Little-Miss-T’isn’t have been more Miss than Mister, the male versions do exist. My favorite responses to the T’isn’t's contradictions is normally an exaggerated eyebrow raise and a snarky “ooooh, you’re right!” Then I try hard not to punch them in the neck before I walk away.
Soon to come: I address “The Whiner,” “The Generalizer,” and “That-One-Coworker“.
Note: This post is entirely inspired by Miss Grace’s Disgrace’s post Don’t Be An Asshole and has been brewing in my head since I read her version. Check out her blog!
*I would like state for the record that I adore a Grammar-Nazi in my life (Angie of A Whole Lot of Nothing) because she never does it without reminding you how awesome you are, even when your grammar sucks.
I came across a neat post today while working through my feed reader and it struck a chord with me (as I threw the shirt I wore today in the give-away bag). For the next 365 days, I am going to participate in A Thing A Day – where I get rid of something every. single. day. I’ll probably use my Tumblr account to keep track of things (it’s easy to do from any computer and my BlackBerry) and share what I can/remember to there.
Since I’m moving in October, I may choose to double-up on getting rid of things each day for a while. Lately my clothes haven’t been fitting as well but I’ve been able to reinvest in some staples (new jeans are on the way – which means I’ll get rid of two pair of pants when they arrive) as I get rid of the old things. (I ordered a dozen pair of underwears and will throw out a dozen pair tonight.) Tomorrow, who knows what I’ll be getting rid of!
On July 11, 2006, I noticed that ThEx didn’t have on his wedding band. When I asked him “where’s your ring?” he replied, unfeeling and cooly “Sarah, I’m thinking about leaving you.” Until that moment, I didn’t fully understand the feeling of your stomach bottoming out, I didn’t understand heartbreak, I didn’t understand true fear. After two days of discussions, sleeping in separate locations and many many many tears, ThEx left me. For the first (and so far the last) time in my life, I threw something.* I began packing that night, and two weeks later I moved out of our house and tried to start life over.
On July 11th (as well as the 13th) of 2007, I spent the night(s) drunk and sobbing with friends. I forced myself to forget the hurt that ThEx had caused and I realized how very miserable of a life I was making for myself.
On July 11th, 2008, I don’t actually remember what I was doing, but living alone and learning to move on was progression. I was thankful to be almost done with my second degree, working at a job I both enjoyed and was good at, and my life was slowly morphing into what I wanted it to be.
On July 11, 2009, I was anticipating my first visit to San Francisco. I was excited to see my people and to meet TheMister. Though I was miserable in a job I had previously loved, I was still managing to kick ass while there. I had plans to change things and was progressing toward them.
On July 11, 2010, I went to a 4-year-old’s birthday party. I helped the man of my dreams put together a Toy Story desk and enjoyed the company of my people while playing board games. I snuggled with and fell asleep in the arms of the man I know I’m going to marry and it was a good day.
On July 27, 2010, I realized that I forgot about July 11th, 2006. I pushed myself hard in a physical workout and sweated more than I had in ages. I fell asleep alone in my own bed, without being sad about anything. I grinned when I told TheMister about my revelation – I think he probably grinned, too.
On July 28, 2010, I spent the day beaming with pride, finally understanding what moving on means.
*I threw a framed photograph of us at the bedroom wall, denting the wall, breaking the frame and the glass.
reason
It has been a very hard week for me, and I don’t know that the weekend will be any better. I’m not even being super-pessimistic, I just know that as my ankylosing spondylitis flare up continues, the pain will increase and I will be even grouchier, as well as less mobile and more stiff. I’m not looking forward to not being able to type without pain on Monday – especially since the CEO/CFO of my company is in the office doing interviews for a media thing.
*sigh*
(I didn’t write this post for sympathy. I wrote this post to get a slew of issues off my heart before I try to shut down for the evening.)
I’m not dead – but I have been posting at my Posterous and my Tumblr accounts a ton more lately. Sorry blog, I’ll come back to you when I have more than three brain cells alive at the end of the day.
xoxo
Me
